Does anyone actually read this thing?

Just curious.

Isn't that special

Micah and I are both sick. Which would suck enough on it's own, but he is REALLY annoying when he is sick, and I am much easier to annoy. He keeps yammering on and on about how he feels so awful or about how gas stink even worse since he is sick or how he is the most sick poor little baby on the damn planet and I want him to just SHUT THE HELL UP. So finally I tell him "You are driving me crazy." and he gets mad at me for being mean to poor little him while he is sick and I know he is a wimp when sick. Yea, well I am sick too remember and you are getting on my damn nerves. He says "Well maybe that's why you are getting so annoyed." Maybe so, but would he rather I just silently seethe when he is driving me crazy and I am on my last damn nerve? Apparently so. He said as much.

Intimacy

I've come to realize that this is what I am most missing from my marriage. I could probably deal with the lack of sex, if I was getting any other sort of real intimacy. But I'm not. Micah kissed me yesterday (a quick, zero-passion peck) and I realized it was the first time in over 2 weeks he had kissed me at all. He doesn't hold my hand when we go places. He usually doesn't even walk next to me. He doesn't touch me, kiss me, hold me, tell me things that are on his mind.

It's gotten so bad that I don't even bother to give myself any "self lovin" any more, because I feel so unloved, unattractive, unwanted that it seems pointless. I start to try and it just makes me more depressed realizing that no one else wants to touch me that way.

It feels more like I have a roommate than a husband.

I miss feeling desired.

since I am linking this somewhere

maybe I should actually make a post for a change.

Let's see...

Oscar is 3 months old today. He has grown so fast it is incredible. Isaac will be 7 day after tomorrow.

And we are mostly settled into the new apartment.

Thangs are still funky between me and Micah. But they are most of the time. I love him, but I;m not sure I like him very much most of the time. He is selfish, arrogant, lazy, and obnoxious. But I am too stubborn to give up just yet. Maybe eventually things will improve. But for now, I just live with the fact that we are little more than roommates who have a kid together.