My back is an evil abomination. Truly, it is. It never seems to do the right thing for a back. The right thing being NOT hurting.
I thought I had a raging kidney infection. I've had many of them in my life, so I was trying to treat it myself by ingesting large quantities of unsweetened cranberry juice. For those who are unfamiliar, unsweetened cranberry juice tastes almost nothing like the juice cocktails or juice blends bearing the name cranberry. It is VERY tart and sort of bitter. Which means I love it, but most people who taste it end up making a face similar to those "bitter beer face" commercials from several years ago. Now, even though I love it, drinking an entire quart in one sitting for several days in a row can be a bit much. Not to mention the stuff is like $7 a quart. Pricey.
After all of that, it was not getting better and I kept feeling worse, so I finally gave in on Christmas Eve and went to the ER. I would have gone sooner, but Christmas Eve is when I dropped Oscar off with his dad for a visit and had time to go without hauling a boisterous 1 year old along.
Turns out my kidneys are just fine (for a change). I strained my lower back in the exact right spot to FEEL like my kidneys were trying to claw their way out, and have ovarian cysts adding to the fun.
Add this to my other back problems and it's not exactly what I call a good time.
So now, I am taking prescription pain killers (which I hate) along with some more natural pain relief (which I prefer, but it just wasn't cutting it this time).
Vicodin makes my head feel all floaty.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Do you know what I REALLY want for the holidays this year?
There are a lot of holidays this time of year, from many faiths. Which one(s) you or I celebrate is not the important thing. They all include the tradition of giving gifts to those you care about. People often ask what I would like. And yes, things are tight for me right now. It's a struggle.
But to be honest, I have so much more than some others out there. So if you really want to know what I want most this year, it's for a little more love to be spread in this world. Whether that means making a donation to your local food bank, homeless shelter, a children's hospital, or any other charitable organization, or if it just means lending a helping hand or a few kind words to a stranger. Or it could mean calling or visiting an old friend or family member you haven't talked to in way too long. Or even just taking the time to learn to love YOURSELF a little more.
This world has plenty of "things". We all have stuff. I don't need more stuff. But the one thing we could all use more of is love. You can never have too much. And the more you give, the more you have.
So if you really want to know what I want for the holidays this year, that's it. Love. For me, for you, for everyone.
But to be honest, I have so much more than some others out there. So if you really want to know what I want most this year, it's for a little more love to be spread in this world. Whether that means making a donation to your local food bank, homeless shelter, a children's hospital, or any other charitable organization, or if it just means lending a helping hand or a few kind words to a stranger. Or it could mean calling or visiting an old friend or family member you haven't talked to in way too long. Or even just taking the time to learn to love YOURSELF a little more.
This world has plenty of "things". We all have stuff. I don't need more stuff. But the one thing we could all use more of is love. You can never have too much. And the more you give, the more you have.
So if you really want to know what I want for the holidays this year, that's it. Love. For me, for you, for everyone.
Yesterday sucked... until it didn't!
I may or may not have mentioned that I suffer from more than one mental disorder. Including fairly severe clinical depression. Yesterday, it hit me HARD. I had realized my kids are going to be spending Christmas with their dads. I'm not sure that I will have the gas money to get to my mom's. I am too broke to even BEGIN Christmas shopping, for even my kids, and unless I get some cash as a gift, I won't be able to until tax time. Along with the rest of the crap going on in my life, the depression got to a point it's never been to before. I was seriously the most depressed I have EVER been.
I was sitting on my bed, in tears, wishing someone, anyone, would care enough to call or text me or something. That happened. My friend, Robb, texted me. Robb and I have been friend since we were 15. A few days after starting school in a new town my sophomore year, we ran into each other. Literally. We really met, because playing floor hockey in gym class, we were both running for the puck and ran head first into each other. And that seemed to happen to us quite a bit that semester, until he (and everyone else who'd been in my class) had to take health the next semester (I had taken it at my old school the previous year) and I got a whole new load of classmates for gym.
He was the son of our principal (who HATED me, seriously hated me) and librarian (who did not hate me, but thought I wasn't good enough to date her son). So when the next year he and I dated, they were less than thrilled. We broke up, because being 16 and realizing you are getting way too serious about a person you are dating can be a bit scary. But he truly was my first broken heart. It never fully healed. We always seemed to drift back towards each other, but never dated again. People often thought we were dating because when we were near each other, we found it almost impossible NOT to snuggle and smooch and do all those things dating people do. Until my senior year (his junior, he is older, but had to repeat kindergarten), and I was dating the biological father of my oldest son and one time he started to kiss me and I told him not to.
After school ended, we saw each other a handful of times around town. The I moved to the larger town about an hour's drive away and didn't see him again until a few years later. Ran into each other at the mall. He was home from college visiting his parents and decided to come to larger town to see a movie (one of the theaters was in the mall) and we happened to run into each other.
Then did not see or hear from each other again for years. He moved to Denver. That was all I knew. Until about 4 1/2 years ago, do to the glory of social networking sites (in this case is was myspace, but we have each other on facebook now, too) we found each other and started talking regularly again. When I had to go to Denver for some special training for work a few months after that, we hung out for a while. I was already married by then, so we behaved ;). But anyway, I realized that the bond we've always had never went away. It's changed over the years. But never gone away. So we've kept in touch (Yay internet!).
Yesterday, I think he saw my post on facebook about how depressed I was. He texted me. We talked for quite a while. And I feel better than I have in a very long time.
I was sitting on my bed, in tears, wishing someone, anyone, would care enough to call or text me or something. That happened. My friend, Robb, texted me. Robb and I have been friend since we were 15. A few days after starting school in a new town my sophomore year, we ran into each other. Literally. We really met, because playing floor hockey in gym class, we were both running for the puck and ran head first into each other. And that seemed to happen to us quite a bit that semester, until he (and everyone else who'd been in my class) had to take health the next semester (I had taken it at my old school the previous year) and I got a whole new load of classmates for gym.
He was the son of our principal (who HATED me, seriously hated me) and librarian (who did not hate me, but thought I wasn't good enough to date her son). So when the next year he and I dated, they were less than thrilled. We broke up, because being 16 and realizing you are getting way too serious about a person you are dating can be a bit scary. But he truly was my first broken heart. It never fully healed. We always seemed to drift back towards each other, but never dated again. People often thought we were dating because when we were near each other, we found it almost impossible NOT to snuggle and smooch and do all those things dating people do. Until my senior year (his junior, he is older, but had to repeat kindergarten), and I was dating the biological father of my oldest son and one time he started to kiss me and I told him not to.
After school ended, we saw each other a handful of times around town. The I moved to the larger town about an hour's drive away and didn't see him again until a few years later. Ran into each other at the mall. He was home from college visiting his parents and decided to come to larger town to see a movie (one of the theaters was in the mall) and we happened to run into each other.
Then did not see or hear from each other again for years. He moved to Denver. That was all I knew. Until about 4 1/2 years ago, do to the glory of social networking sites (in this case is was myspace, but we have each other on facebook now, too) we found each other and started talking regularly again. When I had to go to Denver for some special training for work a few months after that, we hung out for a while. I was already married by then, so we behaved ;). But anyway, I realized that the bond we've always had never went away. It's changed over the years. But never gone away. So we've kept in touch (Yay internet!).
Yesterday, I think he saw my post on facebook about how depressed I was. He texted me. We talked for quite a while. And I feel better than I have in a very long time.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Wow. Just... wow
So far, I have discovered the following things that my ex-husband-to-be has lied to me about for the past 6 1/2 years:
Lie #1
He told me that he had made special arrangements to have his $420/month child support deducted from him disability before he receives it.
Truth - He has never willingly paid child support. Only once when he had a regular job and part of 2 settlements he got for getting hurt were any payments ever made. He is almost $44,000 in arrears. The $243/month he gets for disability is ALL they have determined he is entitled to.
Lie #2
He told me he served in the US Army for 6 1/2 years.
Truth - It was 2 1/2 years
Lie #3
He barely made it to the birth of his oldest child, because of military duty, and had to rush into the room, leave his rifle in the corner and barely made it.
Truth - His son was 6 months old when he left for basic training.
Lie #4
He said he'd spent most of his service deployed. To places like Somalia (according to him, he was there when the events Black Hawk Down is based on took place) and Bosnia.
Truth - He was never once deployed, never sent out of the US for any reason.
Lies #5 & 6
His service ended when he had a major parachuting accident, with 2 panels of his chute blowing out and him dropping 50 feet (though he told my parents it was more), compacting his spine, breaking most of his bones, and ruining his shoulder for life.
Truths - His career ended when he conveniently reinjured his shoulder which was weak from an old baseball injury while on the obstacle course shortly before he was supposed to go on a deployment that he told his wife of the time he was going to try to get out of.
His only parachuting accident was twisting his knee from landing on a pile of dirt wrong when he was in basic training.
Lie #7
He was part of the 101st Aireborne
Truth - He was part of the 102nd Quarter Master
Lie #8 - He was a Ranger (aka Long Range Patrol)
Truth - He was a fuel clerk
Lies #9 & 10
He brought his wife to live with him as soon as he could and his son was born in a military hospital.
Truths - He didn't even contact his wife for several months after leaving for basic training (and taking the last $50 she had to her name with him) and his son was born locally
Lie #11
His first marriage ended because she was abusive to him while he was recovering from his "injury"
Truth - His first marriage ended because he was cheating on her with the woman who would become his second (ex)wife
Lie #1
He told me that he had made special arrangements to have his $420/month child support deducted from him disability before he receives it.
Truth - He has never willingly paid child support. Only once when he had a regular job and part of 2 settlements he got for getting hurt were any payments ever made. He is almost $44,000 in arrears. The $243/month he gets for disability is ALL they have determined he is entitled to.
Lie #2
He told me he served in the US Army for 6 1/2 years.
Truth - It was 2 1/2 years
Lie #3
He barely made it to the birth of his oldest child, because of military duty, and had to rush into the room, leave his rifle in the corner and barely made it.
Truth - His son was 6 months old when he left for basic training.
Lie #4
He said he'd spent most of his service deployed. To places like Somalia (according to him, he was there when the events Black Hawk Down is based on took place) and Bosnia.
Truth - He was never once deployed, never sent out of the US for any reason.
Lies #5 & 6
His service ended when he had a major parachuting accident, with 2 panels of his chute blowing out and him dropping 50 feet (though he told my parents it was more), compacting his spine, breaking most of his bones, and ruining his shoulder for life.
Truths - His career ended when he conveniently reinjured his shoulder which was weak from an old baseball injury while on the obstacle course shortly before he was supposed to go on a deployment that he told his wife of the time he was going to try to get out of.
His only parachuting accident was twisting his knee from landing on a pile of dirt wrong when he was in basic training.
Lie #7
He was part of the 101st Aireborne
Truth - He was part of the 102nd Quarter Master
Lie #8 - He was a Ranger (aka Long Range Patrol)
Truth - He was a fuel clerk
Lies #9 & 10
He brought his wife to live with him as soon as he could and his son was born in a military hospital.
Truths - He didn't even contact his wife for several months after leaving for basic training (and taking the last $50 she had to her name with him) and his son was born locally
Lie #11
His first marriage ended because she was abusive to him while he was recovering from his "injury"
Truth - His first marriage ended because he was cheating on her with the woman who would become his second (ex)wife
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